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Alexandr Golenkov's site…

«…There is no prophet in one's own land»:
I'm a sort of "prophet" —
hated, despised, ignored, slandered in Russia;
This is one of the reasons I turn to the entire world
searching for some human … participance or assistance…, help or support…,
for it is unbearable to "speak about God" in "humanless way",
and is against the Gospel of Jesus Christ,
according to which God and Human in Christ are inseparably intertwined,
so that … trying to separate them is something unchristian,
anti-christian, of antichrist (as of the «…spirit who
does not acknowledge Christ in human flesh»
according to definition of the Apostle…),
for in Christ — everything God's is THROUGH HUMAN
(and for that matter – HUMANE),
as well as all human relations should be THROUGH GOD —
to vividly demonstrate in concrete deeds
(while … «Faith without deeds dead is», by another apostolic expression…)
this most fundamental basis of Christian faith
(that Christ is BOTH HUMAN AND GOD),
which I even call «Dogmatic Conscience» in what I preach
as a "prophet", or … "sort of prophet":

What sort
of a
Please, notice inverted commas surrounding this word;
they mean to say that the "prophet" –
is not in the sense of Old Testament prophets, of course…,
for that was … a most special SERVICE and GIFT of IT'S OWN TIME,
which nowadays try to "repeat", "imitate" – sort of madness!;
but … from other hand, it's already a SORT OF BLINDNESS – not to see
into what that ancient Service and Gift has now developed
(or, in other words, «What's on the place of it?»),
when … there are no more "revelations" in some "special sense"
(i.e., sent through a prophet…),
for … in a sense, ALL is revelation
(«…You will see heavens open and angels of God ascending
and descending to the Son of Man»
and in the Son of God (Christ) God is FULLY reveled
(«…Who has seen Me, has seen the Father»;
«…in Him abides ALL THE FULLNESS of Godhead»…),
— where only natural limitation is in ABILITY OF MEN TO ACCEPT IT
("to open up oneself", so to say!), and so:
certain people do it to a certain degree, others – to a certain…,
what is already called in Apostolic scriptures as «Gifts of the Holy Spirit»
(Gift doesn't exist without the ABILITY TO ACCEPT SUCH A GIFT,
for, from other hand, it is said: «do not throw a holy thing before pigs»!),
so – all the people are different by their talents and gifts
(as the Apostle goes on with his teaching)
as the members of Church as the Body if Christ…
Can't dig
the talent:
— In line with that teaching,
I simply can't "hide away" or …
"dig into ground"
the precious things which I find,
and that's all!
Can't cut
the sprouts:
From other hand
(and this refers to
another of evangelical images):
I can't "shut up" or "chop" what has grown in me
from the Seed once sown by Christ!
— This last image is much more exact (than the previous one),
for Eastern (Orthodox) Christianity has much more to do
with such GROWTH OF THE LIVING SEED (than …
"Roman juridism" or "Jewish monetarism",
from where that previous image about the "talent" really is…).

I really feel myself as … "engrafted to Christ" despite many terrible things
after which the majority of Christians would even deny …
the itself possibility of me being a Christian!

How I feel myself before Christ

…How I'm
not a Jew
before Christ,
of sins"!
I really don't feel myself like a …
  • former Jew, who became now Christian, and so whose sins are REDEEMED
    «by the blood of Christ», as they say; but:
    • I wasn't UNDER JEWISH LAW, to have such a … NOTION OF SIN, which requires
      Redemption, and, what's more, – BY BLOOD! (Don't feel, for example, even like
      Paul the Apostle when he says that … «Blood of goats and sheep is "not
      sufficient" for TRUE and REAL redemption of sins»…, and so – to "NEED MORE",
    • I'm at all not a partaker of "rituals of blood", and never was such; "blood"
      in my system of notions really means NOTHING, except that I can't look at it,
      for lose consciousness in case of seeing blood! Though, this is but another
      reason, why Jewish "imagery" or even direct MYSTICISM of «Blood» to me is NOT

  • Protestant, who …
    «…has come into "Deal",
    a "Transaction" with Christ»,
    and so …
    "by the Conditions of such deal"
    ("Points of the transaction") —
    feels oneself as "Saved";
    Salvation is "guaranteed by the Deal",
    and so – not a matter of any kind of a …
    "mystic search", "prayer for mercy" or … GROWTH
    (as is im my case!);
    for a Protestant it's:

    a thing that is … "bought" or "juridically fixed" –
    can't "change oneself",
    for "God is not a deceiver!";
    "God is best Judge and Seller":
    maybe even this wouldn't sound as "outright blasphemy"
    for Protestants of some kind!
    But … one way or another, such system of notions –
    "mental continuation" of … medieval Catholic "Indulgences sellers"…
But I feel myself before Christ as a:
  • Sick, ill, in disease, having need to be cured;
  • Little sprout, or a … person who has just been born into unknown world, needing GROWTH to survive (or … in more traditional Christian terms, "to get saved":
    • Salvation is not understood in the Orthodox Christianity as "Juridical" or "Magical" act, but much more understood … SUBSTANTIONALLY, ONTOLOGICALLY, that is – IN THE MATTERS OF THE BEING, where the question is simple: CAN ONE EITHER NOT accept the New Life; for example: if one is afflicted with illness of sinful passions and can't not to sin … it's very hard to imagine such a person amidst the Partakers of the Heavenly Life (although … «impossible for humans is possible for God»; it's not in traditions of the Orthodox Christianity to think that "someone is out of Salvation", while … from the other hand, it requires to think in such way of ONESELF, saying to oneself time and again: «I'm a worst sinner, as far from Salvation as no one else!»; «Jesus Christ, Son of God, be merciful to me, a sinner!»)
    • Sin for the Orthodox Christianity is … MALADY, ILLNESS, DISEASE first of all, requiring … HEALING, CURING, TREATMENT, continuing … all of person's earthly life, in the Church as the Body of Christ (outside of which any such "treatment" is senseless!). No one can say of oneself: «I am cured from sin; I'm not ill with sin anymore» for entire duration of one's earthly life, because … the more sins are cured (or, in old terms, "forgiven"), THE ONLY MORE PERSON SEES with one's OPENING SPIRITUAL EYES being also healed from the ILLNESS OF BLINDNESS! They really are OBSTACLES TO THE ETERNAL LIFE, and so – any true Orthodox Christian feels oneself before God as … PERISHING (not "saved", as a Protestant, waving with "mental indulgences signed", or "sacrifice brought", like the Old Testament Jew!), going to PERISH, to HELL, in need of one only thing: praying to Christ for mercy! («Jesus Christ, Son of God, be merciful to me, a sinner!»…) By the way: word "mercy" comes from Greek origin meaning OIL, surely MEDICAL oil, to cure wounds! (Wounds of sin!) How far it is in the Orthodox Christianity from any "Juridical" or "Magical" (or even "Humanist-Moralist") understanding! Oil as a … CURE! Where will you be with all of your "Indulgences signed" or brought "Sacrifices of blood", when … just the CURE OF MERCY is needed?! «I want mercy and not sacrifice!» – even says God through the Old Testament prophet!

(end of quotation)

— Excuse me for this; this was just a quotation; i don't like it; but i haven't written so far anything "more exact"; would you help me? I mean, in a sense of language, at least, because English, to the measure i know it, looks … very rough, even … "savage", "barbarian" to express those exquisite theological notions to which i'v adjusted Russian…

Here are another pieces to that score (excuse me, it's very bad with my mind, and i'm not in state to gather up all these pieces into a single writing):

Cry to my former brothers in Christ.

Christians! What would you say if I pray for your mercy and help at least in a sense of the language of the following story: it's very hard for me to find words non-existent in English to the system of notions which i "coined" in Russian for many years trying to say this…

(For example … what does the seed: "germinate"?; "sprout up"?; WHAT?!; how to say this in one word not only right "noetically", but also POETICALLY, for i suspect, words "to sprout up" and "germinate" do not correspond in this sense to what i really mean! How to say, then, "engrafted to Christ" in a sense which can be understood from the following, for that is also one of my basic notions…)

People! i turn to you because i'm of your kind, but at the same time i'm different, and the main difference is that the all-out forced smoking narcomania in which you find even some demonic "pleasure" ("delight"!) is completely unbearable for me and hellishly painful, and even acts upon me as direct communion of satan! (Have you any REASONABLE argument that satan didn't invent "reverse turned upside-down communion" 2000 years after Christ?!?!?!)

Imagine yourself in a desert with no water: what are your feelings to anyone passing by, even if you know for sure that would only be beaten up all the more and accused as "the only guilty one in your present condition and state"?! …That you … HATE all, and NOT MERCIFUL to anyone (for example, causing with your cryings discomfort to the passing by), at the same time "praying for mercy" only in regard of yourself! "Deeply in love with yourself!"; while … at the same time someone other would cry the opposite accusation: "You lack love to yourself, and that's – where from all your problems are!"; but NO ONE WILL GIVE YOU SOME WATER! ("The problem is not in water", as they would say, "the Problem is in you!"!!!)

P.S. I see, there are some links at personal sites at this forum; so let me give one; if it's against the rules, please remove it, it's above-mentioned history a year ago:

(Excuse me for that, i'm really dying, i don't know english words to tell that, all inside as if "crackles", it's very hard for me to think what i do, although there the problem described, because of which everyone hates me, YOU TOO?!?!?!)

Cry to my former brothers in Christ. Can't live: forced smoking narcomania in Russia

Christians in the outside world, previously i tried to turn to you about a year ago at one of your forums, but my topic was deleted by a moderator (i can give you a link, i don't know are links allowed at this forum), i've been thinking for all of this time how to say that, not repeating mistakes of the past, but i couldn't invent anything new! One only thing i can try is not to name the problem because of which i can't live, can't live at all, but from other hand – also a coward to commit something like suicide, although i'm sure, anyone at my place would do that, because it's OUT OF HUMAN ABILITIES to continue like that any more.

This time i turn to you because i know that if i try to turn to Russian Christians at Russian forums (though ALL THE POSSIBILITIES OF RUSSIAN LANGUAGE which i know much better than English), they will beat me up only more, because this is RIDICULOUS for them, and they are sure i "mock them up" (to "make fools of them"). Why do they do that when in the Bible it's said «Love believes everything»?! If i "cheat you up" or "mock you up" (be damn all that!), I will be guilty, and not you! Why can't you fulfill the commandment of the Bible and BELIEVE ME, why?!

I really can't live now at all, and i know NO ONE to turn to (both in the Net and real life) this is why i turn to you now "as is", without "having invented anything philosophic or theologic" for the mentioned time, although i tried, and can give links to unfinished "drafts", but who needs them?! May i quote some passages:

1st quotation

I was painfully thinking for many years how to say this; this is not how usually people talk at forums, and, much more, "chats" (without much thinking at what they say); this is, so to say, "sweat and blood" of my destiny (can't say even "LIFE", for … this is NO LONGER A HUMAN LIFE!). The matter is: i can't be Christian and can't not to be Christian too. Contradiction! (Crucifixion!; pain!) i was formed very much as a Christian, as i ardently believed in Christ in my early youth, and gave myself entirely for Christ, although then was very severely cheated, deceived, thrown away, beaten up and left without means to exist, subjected to all kinds of demonic impact and invasion. But let me try to put that "more in order":

…It was in the time of the USSR (or, "Soviet Union") when i accepted Christ by faith, with a help of radio broadcasts of foreign "Enemy's voices", as they were called by Soviet propaganda, in a country where not only this was a crime (to listen foreign broadcasts), but much more – openly confessed faith in Christ, what could be punished by many years in labor camp or eternal psycho-prison (from which it's impossible to get out as "STILL A HUMAN BEING"!). But i wasn't afraid to preach Christ, even to teachers of atheism or "social science" (in other word, "Communism"), even, once, to a head of a military enterprise where i was sent "to make atom bomb" by deception (i was told, it was a "peaceful enterprise", while i was Christian pacifist and couldn't take part in producing means of killing and torture f men), for i was much more afraid before words of Christ in the Gospel:,,

Fully this story you can read in my previous writings (i've tried many times to describe my previous life: both in English and Russian…); now i tell it only to give an idea that i WAS a fearless Christian, and no fear of human (and even humanless!) persecution could stop me, although … i was not only "stopped", but … "TURNED UPSIDE DOWN", so that now many would call me "possessed by the devil", and even "satanist", as under humanless torture — also by those, who call themselves "Christians" — they even made me to cry many times most demonic things, up to «satan, help!», as they, by that (in that torture!), COMPLETELY MIX ALL THE NOTIONS TURNING THEM UPSIDE DOWN, when … "God" in their language is "devil" in mine, "good" – "evil", and "evil – good" (as they require "IGNORE ALL THE EVIL" and always "press" on their own doing "EVIL SAKE GOOD"), etc…

Correspondingly, "Plea for human mercy and help" in that human(less?) language would mean «Beat me up by demonic hatred, slander and evil of the evil one slanderer "FOR THE SAKE OF SOME SUPERGOOD"»!

— How, then, to REALLY CRY FOR SOME HUMAN PARTICIPANCE, MERCY AND HELP in the conditions and language of such … «New Babylon» where all words changed their sense?! …Maybe from here for someone is seen how: 1. in SUCH LANGUAGE, 2. under DEMONIC TORTURE BY EVIL, any my search for … "something human" (without mentioning "God's") turned unto "satan, help!"?! This, then, terrified with great fear, and even I couldn't myself understand "How could it happen?!"; although … WHAT ELSE REMAINED when … ALL WORDS CHANGED THEIR MEANING TO THE OPPOSITE?!

Then … what do i want now (turning with this cry to Christian forums)?! (Much more: to ENGLISH, with no hope to find anything except «demonic slander and hatred called "God's truth and love" on those Russian?!) To be beaten up only more? — I really search for someone "more traditional" in linguistic sense; otherwise – how to explain the parables in the Gospel:

One about the beaten up by the robbers and answer of Christ?!. Here are contemporary answers to this parable QUOTED FROM REAL LIFE (i don't "invent" anything):

So: the evil world is ALWAYS right, a person is ALWAYS wrong; all evil and sin is ONLY from inside a single person taken separately from society!

How, then, to explain the story about Sodom: if the Society is always right, the Angels who came to Sodom had to submit to all its demands and requirements!

Isn't it better to say that Christianity in history was … "rearranged", "readjusted", "re-adopted" to serve as a "cover-up" to the evil world and its king, devil?! «Your father is devil» is, by the way, what Christ said to the mass of RELIGIOUS people, representing most massive "official religion" of that place and time!

(end of quotation)

So, i turn to you because i was FORMED as a Christian, and can't find myself amidst the people of no other formation. But, from other hand, i was shocked how Christians protect evil and all evil things as a "will of God" to be against which is the greatest sin, and became unbeliever!

You know, this is very symbolic to Russian history as a whole (with atheistic Bolshevik revolution, as you probably know, and 70 years of state-run atheism…):

Religion protected all evil to such a degree, that anyone fighting with social evil had only one option: to be atheist! (Though, INNERLY, those makes of revolution were not atheists, they were BELIEVERS in "Kingdom of God on earth", even MUCH MORE than majority of "official believers"!) This contradiction is GENERAL TRAGEDY OF THE RUSSIAN HISTORY, and so … as i say (excuse me for bad translation): «The tragedy and the theological sense of the Russian history is engraved in my personal tragedy», so i'm … sort of "prophet" of it (excuse me for word "prophet"!). 2nd quotation

See above

Alexandr Golenkov
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Alexander Golenkov, Russia, 156023, Kostroma, Titova 9-57
tel:(0942)54-45-31, sms: +79109568160
last update: after 24 dec 2007